Carpe Diem

Yet again it's been a while since my last blog but this time it's because I got so caught up in living in my own little bubble that I lost track of time!

If you've kept up with my recent posts you'll know I've finished by January exams and I am definitely so glad they are over but now it's the period of anticipation for results! Anyway, given that I've had so much going on in my life and then going home to spend time with my family gave me time to reflect on things a title so today's blood is about the opportunities of life, successes, downfalls and all the rest of it!

When I went back home for a few days after my exams, I sat my driving test and I was fortunate enough to pass!! The feeling of joy at that moment was immense but what was even more overwhelming was my feeling of gratitude for the fact that I was able to take driving lessons and my test. I was even more grateful toward my driving instructor who, as a friend if my dad, had given me free driving lessons, and I know for sure that I was not the easiest person to teach to drive!!

Making the most of every opportunity I am presented with in life is something I always strive to do and last year (2015) I realised how much of a benefit this has served me in life. In 2015, I commenced my application for the Generation UK-India Study India Programme run by Indogenius on behalf of the British Council.

In 2014, I had begun an application for the 2014 trip however, for some reason, maybe I got side-tracked and totally forgot about the application, I did not continue it. When I received an email saying that applications had opened for the 2015 programme, I told myself I would apply straight away so I set myself a timeline for application and completed it in good time. There was no way I was going to miss out on the opportunity to Study India with all expenses (except my flight) paid for. I was lucky enough to be one of the 500 selected participants for the programme, meaning that in July, I would be jetting off to India. It was the first time I was ever going to sit on an aeroplane, and the first time I was ever going to visit the country my ancestors are in love with. Little did I know that I would fall in love with the country myself. I not only discovered the beauty and amazing features of India, but I learnt a lot about people, about life and about the world.

Attending this programme was a prime example of me making the most of every opportunity I am presented with. However, this was not the only time I have done this because, without taking the opportunity to apply to University, I would not be sat where I am, feeling stressed, fulfilled and most importantly, HAPPY.

When we talk about carpe diem (seize the day) we often think about the big opportunities in life, the things that will make us successful in life. In my opinion, this fogs our visions, causing us to miss the opportunities that are right in front of us. When I talk about seizing the day and every opportunity you are presented with, I don’t mean think about your success, what I’m saying is, take that opportunity to talk to someone new, grab your chance to held that old lady cross the road, help the little boy get across on his bike, take the chance to take care of your friends, your mother, your father, your sister, your brother. In life, those are the opportunities we cannot afford to miss! Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Who knows when you’ll get another chance to tell your mother, lover or brother that you love them?

If there is one thing I have learnt in my experience of life so far, it is definitely that I will never leave the house without telling my mum I love her, I will never waste time sitting in silence instead of saying sorry to someone. Time is precious in everything we do and of course, there will always be situations where we can’t help but waste time because, well that’s human nature, it’s ‘in our genes’. We aren’t build like the animal kingdom who live to survive. We live to work and work to survive.

Don’t get me wrong, in life we definitely need to take risks. If someone asks you to go sky diving with them, do it! They’ll hold your hand and comfort your fears if you’re afraid but don’t let your fear stop you. Don’t let money stop you! My parents have always told me “where there’s a will there is a way” and coming from a working class background, money has never been readily available for us to travel the world or do whatever we want however, there has never been a time in life where my parents have said “no you can’t do that because we don’t have the money for it”. My parents have always found a way to make ends meet and to give me and my siblings the great life we live.

For whoever is reading this blog, I want you to know that whatever your dream is, you can do it! No matter how much people ridicule you and out you down, telling you that you can’t do it, I’m telling you that you can! Put yourself out there! Do the things you dream of every night! Even if you want to tell the boy in your class you fancy the pants off him, do it!! Never ever let the opinions of other put you down and stop you from doing what you love. Without this mind set, I would be sitting on my bed, drowning in tears worrying about how I’m ever going to get a job as a lawyer. I know that if I want something, I have to go out there and I have to get it. No one can do it for me. I’ve taken every opportunity to be my best self, to experience life at its best and I WILL CONTINUE! Now it’s your turn, go and do something you’ve always wanted to do. If no one will support you, I WILL!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!

All love xoxo

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever - Mahatma Ghandi

The Two Way Street

After struggling to think of what to write about today, I decided to make this blog about relationships. I mean that in the broad sense of the word, not the typical boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships. I'm talking friendships, mothers/daughters, father/son, those types of relationships.

I've always been a firm believer in the fact that what you get out of a relationship is determined by what you put into it. No two relationships are the same and they take a lot of work, even though we don't necessarily think they do. Relationships are often one of those topics people don't talk about or are too afraid to talk about and whilst it's probably not the greatest idea to constantly discuss your relationships, its definitely healthy to take a step back every once in a while and re evaluate where your relationships are in life.

Across social media, there are always comments about how one day you're talking to someone and the next day you're not. It's true that relationships do drift over time, people go their separate ways and in many cases that is inevitable. Take me for example, after I left college to come to university, there were people I never spoke to again, purely because they were friends from college who went off to their university and in the midst of moving on with our lives, we lost contact. I don't see any issue with that situation, we all know we won't be friends with everyone forever! However, what I really don't agree with is pushing people away, ignoring their attempts to build a relationship or not putting into the relationship what you would expect the other to do.

There have been many times where I have noticed people slowly talking to me less and less. Often, my issue is that I don't reply to peoples messages because I forgot or because I'm too busy to reply in that instant. I sometimes hate myself for doing that because quite a few times its led to missed opportunities but, in those situations I always make sure I try and rearrange, tell the person I'm sorry... to me, those small words show your interest in keeping the relationship alive. But, I only do those things when I sincerely mean it. If I know I'm going to be busy I will say I'm sorry but I'm busy, because it isn't that hard to do that.

Making an effort with friends isn't, or shouldn't, be that hard. Yeah sure, everyone is busy, people have lives and their own problems to deal with, but when people stop making that effort, when they stop caring for no reason, that is something I really dislike. In my honest opinion, its a bad trait to have. It's awful to put someone through because the other person is quite obviously aware of your lack of regard.

I recently experienced a situation where a friend of mine built a relationship with someone else and ever since that, they haven't spoke to me the same again. I won't go into too many details but the relationship has become somewhat undesirable and after my consistent efforts at the relationship, I've reached the stage where I don't care anymore. I know its a horrible thing to say but I don't care. How many times can I be the one to make the effort? How many times can I have it thrown back in my face?

See, in my bubble of relationships, I have so many polar opposites. I have the friends I will talk to for a couple of days and then maybe a month later, with it feeling like I have spoke to them everyday. Then there are the ones who take the time out of their day almost every day to speak to me, to laugh with me. Each relationship is just as important to me. I don't care if you make me laugh everyday or every month, to me it's everything to know I have people to turn to when I need that laugh. I know that the friends I have are the ones I can count on.

Another big part of my life has always been my family. I'm lucky enough to have wonderful parents and siblings who have always stood by me and supported me in all that I do. Of course every family has their ups and downs and my family aren't exceptions to that, but they are still there. Through thick and thin, my mum is always one of the first people I will turn to. I have been raised to show appreciation for all that I have and to value the people in my life, seeking the good in everyone I meet. This had made me a person that doesn't like to give up on building relationships and in some cases, this has done more harm to me than good. But I have learnt from those mistake, I understand that not everyone places the same value on relationships as I do in some situations, that is ok but in others, it is hurtful. The worst of those is seeing someone become complacent, when people stop making the effort that once came naturally to them, that is what hurts the most, because that is when the effort becomes a chore. Having simple conversations becomes harder for them to hold, either because they have forgotten who you really are or because, like I mentioned earlier, they just don't care.

Relationships will always be a two way street, it can't be all take and no give, and if you ever find yourself in a situation where you are doing all the giving, it becomes times to re evaluate. I am a true believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I learnt this the hard way when it comes to relationships because I built a relationship with someone that meant I stopped building relationships with others and now, when I look back at those times, I realise how much I missed out and how much it affected me. But when that relationship ended, whilst it did hurt, it opened up so many more relationships and opportunities for me and today, they are the relationships I continue to value and remain thankful for, every single day.

Always remember, in life, we don't always get a second chance. Knowing that someone is thinking of you means a lot, because in life, it is the smallest things that count. So, go ahead and message that friend you haven't spoke to for a few months, let your family know you're thinking of them, smile at a stranger and talk to your neighbours, because strengthening existing relationships and building new ones is one of the most important things is life.

All love xoxo

Blah Bleugh Blog!

I have a full 3 days until my first exam. Intellectual Property. I don't even know what time my exam is yet... I should probably check that. Nevertheless, revision is in full swing (I say as I blog and watch a movie at the same time). But no, seriously, after this post I will be focussing.. at least trying to anyway!

So today I want to talk about hate and bullying. I know it's not the most cheerful of topics but its something that I have always known of and been aware of. I'll start with my story first...

When I was in primary school (year 3-6) I had quite a big group of friends but I soon started to notice I had probably chosen the wrong people to be friends with. I always got on with the boys, and to this day I get on better with boys than most girls. I think it comes down to judgement. As typical girls, me and my friends were always falling out and it would usually be me left on my own, so I used to go and play football with the boys. It was fine, I suppose thats what kids do however it got to a point where it was literally every day that my friends would be picking arguments with me. That was when I knew something was up so I decided to find a new group of friends. As soon as I got comfortable in my new group of friends, my old friends would come and try and take me back. Me being me, I went back to them and found myself caught in a weird cycle.

Then came the time for secondary school... I was so excited. New prospects, new opportunities and of course a new school bag. It was a great start, I made new friends, kept some old friends and the best part about it was that my brother was also at the school so I knew that if I needed anything I could go to him. However, secondary school was also where I got bullied. It wasn't to the extent that I needed to get teachers involved or tell my parents but it definitely was not a nice situation for me to be in. I got teased about my bushy eyebrows and my unfortunate facial hair (which I have no shame in admitting I have now). The sad thing was, I was bullied by girls in the higher years, they'd make comments about me and laugh as I walked past them. Honestly it was horrible. It didn't stop there though. In year 8/9 I remember learning about magnetic forces in science... I was never good at science so found the concept quite confusing. I went over to the teacher to ask about it and one horrible horrible boy made a nasty comment to me about how I should be able to understand this because I obviously use a razor for my moustache! It absolutely destroyed me. I had never ever felt so hurt. For someone to make a comment like that to me was just so so SO mean! I just remember running away and crying. I sat at my desk and wept. My friends started asking me what had happened so I told them and they called one of the teaching assistants over. She started asking me questions and all I remember doing is shouting at her, telling her she didn't understand because she obviously didn't go through what I go through. I look back now and think how silly it was to let it get to me but I do understand how it did affect me so much. I went home to my mum that day and cried about these nasty boys in my science class.

Being brought up as a muslim meant that I went to school in the evenings (madressa) to learn about Islam. It was never something I enjoyed because I was always tired after school but what made it even worse was the bullies. Again I had people (girls) teasing me about the way I looked. Making comments, laughing at me, kicking me, I was even pushed down the stairs. It made the whole experience so much worse for me. It made me conscious of my appearance, I felt worthless, I hated how I looked. I soon left that madressa and started at a new one, where I began to experience the same issues. I was picked on by the girls in my class and I remember trying to tell my teacher that my mum wanted to talk with her, but all she did was tell me she's too busy. This really upset me and I remember running out of my class crying and going straight to my cousins house (just across the road). It was a horrible moment and not too long after, I left that madressa too and never went back to madressa again.

I moved on with my life a lot and by the time I reached year 10, I was happy with myself, how I looked. The people around me grew up and so did I. I learnt that people's opinions of me don't matter and hold no significance. I began to surround myself with better people, more positive people who I knew I could count on. Those are the friends I still talk to today.

I've been through two years of college and am now in my final year of university. I look back to when I was in college and remember one particular girl, who had picked on me and bullied me in madressa,  yet in college, she wanted to be friends with me, just because of the people I spoke to. She would always talk to me and be friendly with me. Now of course, I wasn't going to ignore her because that would make me as bad as she was all those years ago, but it amazes me that people seem to forget what they've put you through. I absolutely hate bullying, and I don't imagine there is anyone out there that does, but its the fact that, a lot of the time, people don't realise how much their actions are hurting someone else.

When I was in school, there was always one group of girls that picked on a girl in my form class and you could see the sadness in her eyes when they done it, even though she put on a front to show she didn't care. Sometimes, bullies don't realise that what they are doing is bullying, they put it down to a joke because they think the other person doesn't care. No one can honestly sit there and say that when someone makes little jokes about their appearance or constantly picks on something they've done or the way they talk or walk, that it doesn't bother them. If you do that to someone, even if its a close friend, you have to make sure you're careful about how you're doing it. Everyone has feelings, you can't forget that, and sometimes, emotional pain is the worst kind of pain.

My story on bullying came out with a positive ending, but it wasn't easy getting here. I have been through a lot to make me the person I am today. Those girls that picked on me destroyed every ounce of self confidence I had and even when I was in college, I went through some real rough times (maybe I will talk about these in another blog) but it wasn't easy. Bullying has such an effect on your mind that it becomes so hard to shift. I'm sure many people have read the stories about children, sometimes as young as 11, committing suicide because of bullying. That's the sick truth of the world. There are people that can drive young innocent children to killing themselves. There is no justification for that.

So, next time you think about making a joke about someones appearance, unless you honestly know that person will not be affected, think twice about it. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, even some of your closest friends might not tell you how things make them feel inside.

I've moved on a lot with my life now, I know how to take comments from people and I know how to ignore the worthless comments people have made about me and even to my face. There have been instances where family members have said things to me, without thinking twice about it and it has hurt me. But now, I've reached a stage where I take those comments with a pinch of salt, because honestly, they mean nothing.

To anyone who has/is being bullied, all I say is stay strong. Rise above it and conquer them. You are, and always will be a better person than whoever is bullying you

. Surround yourself with people that embrace you, make yourself feel better, because honestly, the only person who knows what you're going through emotionally is you, no one understand you better than you do. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to people because opening up to others allows you to build your own army. Fight the negativity with positivity, close your ears and mind to the bullies, even if that is with the help of others.

One last thing I have to say is that bullies come in all shapes, sizes and ages. There's no 'look' for a bully. You can be 50 years old and still be a bully, it isn't just a playground thing. Never be ashamed to admit you've been emotionally hurt because emotions are nothing to be afraid of. The world is opening its ears and eyes to all types of issues, there is ALWAYS someone who will listen to you!

Feel free to comment or get in touch on any of the issues!!


All love xoxo

P.S. Sorry if there was a lot of waffle.. I wanted to get out my thoughts and so I didn't edit!

Let's Kick Things off Again

So I told myself I would keep up my blog last year and of course, that never happened... I suppose I get too busy to keep up to date but I'm promising myself I will try harder this time. So I'm making a comeback and I will keep this blog updated with everything old and new... including whatever has been missed out over the past year or so because trust me, a lot has happened!!

I'm currently back at university, in my final year, preparing for my first set of exams of the year which start on the 11th January! I cannot believe how fast time has gone... I honestly remember unpacking on my first day of first year, crying because I had no idea how I was going to cope away from home! I absolutely love it now and I am so glad I didn't let anything stop me from coming to university because it has opened up so many doors for me! In summer of 2015 I got to sit on a plane for the first ever time and visit India (more on that in a separate blog) but I know for sure I would never have been able to do that without being at university and without the help of my scholarships and bursary!!

2015 was probably the best year of my life so far but in some respects it was a really really tough year. My mum was ill and had to have surgery over the summer but that wasn't the end (or even the start) of the trauma she went through. She had been suffering for 6 months prior to that (so literally this time last year was when it all started) and the doctors were hugely negligent because they failed to realise what she was going through. A lot of the time they didn't even listen to her when she was trying to tell them house much pain she was in. Anyway, in the end they told her she had a cyst on her ovary and after she had her surgery they told her that they removed a cyst the size of a FOOTBALL! I couldn't understand how they didn't realise that there was something so hugely wrong. Unfortunately, the period of recovery was longer than the usual 6 weeks because of, yet again, more negligence. The nurses who were dressing the wound weren't using the correct dressing and my mum was still constantly in pain. She ended up back in hospital with an infection and just when things started getting better again they got worse. Her stomach area had hardened with yet another infection and the nurse was really rude to my mum, causing my mum to feel really emotionally stressed out. The medication my mum was taking was the strongest her doctor had ever prescribed and she began to feel really depressed because of the medication and the fact that she couldn't do anything for her family. Fortunately now, after realising the nurses were not packing the wound, leaving it open to infection, she is only a few weeks (or less) away from being fully healed, and she''s now back to her normal self. For us as her family it was so difficult to see her going through that, a lot of the time I felt quite helpless but I knew that what she was feeling was a hundred times worse.

It is quite odd talking about this because I think it's the first time ever that I have opened up about it, I'm just glad things are looking up now!

Revision is horrendous and I'm feeling so stressed out about my exams but in some sense I am looking forward to them because I do enjoy the topics (Intellectual property and Company Law) so I hope I can pull through with some good grades! I've also started taking driving lessons (more on that later) and I can't wait to get a car and never have to catch a train again!!

Anyway I think that's enough to restart my blogging and I will try and get more blogs up more regularly. Good luck to every single should doing exams/coursework. Feel free to leave comments/request things!!

All Love xoxo