I have a full 3 days until my first exam. Intellectual Property. I don't even know what time my exam is yet... I should probably check that. Nevertheless, revision is in full swing (I say as I blog and watch a movie at the same time). But no, seriously, after this post I will be focussing.. at least trying to anyway!
So today I want to talk about hate and bullying. I know it's not the most cheerful of topics but its something that I have always known of and been aware of. I'll start with my story first...
When I was in primary school (year 3-6) I had quite a big group of friends but I soon started to notice I had probably chosen the wrong people to be friends with. I always got on with the boys, and to this day I get on better with boys than most girls. I think it comes down to judgement. As typical girls, me and my friends were always falling out and it would usually be me left on my own, so I used to go and play football with the boys. It was fine, I suppose thats what kids do however it got to a point where it was literally every day that my friends would be picking arguments with me. That was when I knew something was up so I decided to find a new group of friends. As soon as I got comfortable in my new group of friends, my old friends would come and try and take me back. Me being me, I went back to them and found myself caught in a weird cycle.
Then came the time for secondary school... I was so excited. New prospects, new opportunities and of course a new school bag. It was a great start, I made new friends, kept some old friends and the best part about it was that my brother was also at the school so I knew that if I needed anything I could go to him. However, secondary school was also where I got bullied. It wasn't to the extent that I needed to get teachers involved or tell my parents but it definitely was not a nice situation for me to be in. I got teased about my bushy eyebrows and my unfortunate facial hair (which I have no shame in admitting I have now). The sad thing was, I was bullied by girls in the higher years, they'd make comments about me and laugh as I walked past them. Honestly it was horrible. It didn't stop there though. In year 8/9 I remember learning about magnetic forces in science... I was never good at science so found the concept quite confusing. I went over to the teacher to ask about it and one horrible horrible boy made a nasty comment to me about how I should be able to understand this because I obviously use a razor for my moustache! It absolutely destroyed me. I had never ever felt so hurt. For someone to make a comment like that to me was just so so SO mean! I just remember running away and crying. I sat at my desk and wept. My friends started asking me what had happened so I told them and they called one of the teaching assistants over. She started asking me questions and all I remember doing is shouting at her, telling her she didn't understand because she obviously didn't go through what I go through. I look back now and think how silly it was to let it get to me but I do understand how it did affect me so much. I went home to my mum that day and cried about these nasty boys in my science class.
Being brought up as a muslim meant that I went to school in the evenings (madressa) to learn about Islam. It was never something I enjoyed because I was always tired after school but what made it even worse was the bullies. Again I had people (girls) teasing me about the way I looked. Making comments, laughing at me, kicking me, I was even pushed down the stairs. It made the whole experience so much worse for me. It made me conscious of my appearance, I felt worthless, I hated how I looked. I soon left that madressa and started at a new one, where I began to experience the same issues. I was picked on by the girls in my class and I remember trying to tell my teacher that my mum wanted to talk with her, but all she did was tell me she's too busy. This really upset me and I remember running out of my class crying and going straight to my cousins house (just across the road). It was a horrible moment and not too long after, I left that madressa too and never went back to madressa again.
I moved on with my life a lot and by the time I reached year 10, I was happy with myself, how I looked. The people around me grew up and so did I. I learnt that people's opinions of me don't matter and hold no significance. I began to surround myself with better people, more positive people who I knew I could count on. Those are the friends I still talk to today.
I've been through two years of college and am now in my final year of university. I look back to when I was in college and remember one particular girl, who had picked on me and bullied me in madressa, yet in college, she wanted to be friends with me, just because of the people I spoke to. She would always talk to me and be friendly with me. Now of course, I wasn't going to ignore her because that would make me as bad as she was all those years ago, but it amazes me that people seem to forget what they've put you through. I absolutely hate bullying, and I don't imagine there is anyone out there that does, but its the fact that, a lot of the time, people don't realise how much their actions are hurting someone else.
When I was in school, there was always one group of girls that picked on a girl in my form class and you could see the sadness in her eyes when they done it, even though she put on a front to show she didn't care. Sometimes, bullies don't realise that what they are doing is bullying, they put it down to a joke because they think the other person doesn't care. No one can honestly sit there and say that when someone makes little jokes about their appearance or constantly picks on something they've done or the way they talk or walk, that it doesn't bother them. If you do that to someone, even if its a close friend, you have to make sure you're careful about how you're doing it. Everyone has feelings, you can't forget that, and sometimes, emotional pain is the worst kind of pain.
My story on bullying came out with a positive ending, but it wasn't easy getting here. I have been through a lot to make me the person I am today. Those girls that picked on me destroyed every ounce of self confidence I had and even when I was in college, I went through some real rough times (maybe I will talk about these in another blog) but it wasn't easy. Bullying has such an effect on your mind that it becomes so hard to shift. I'm sure many people have read the stories about children, sometimes as young as 11, committing suicide because of bullying. That's the sick truth of the world. There are people that can drive young innocent children to killing themselves. There is no justification for that.
So, next time you think about making a joke about someones appearance, unless you honestly know that person will not be affected, think twice about it. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, even some of your closest friends might not tell you how things make them feel inside.
I've moved on a lot with my life now, I know how to take comments from people and I know how to ignore the worthless comments people have made about me and even to my face. There have been instances where family members have said things to me, without thinking twice about it and it has hurt me. But now, I've reached a stage where I take those comments with a pinch of salt, because honestly, they mean nothing.
To anyone who has/is being bullied, all I say is stay strong. Rise above it and conquer them. You are, and always will be a better person than whoever is bullying you
. Surround yourself with people that embrace you, make yourself feel better, because honestly, the only person who knows what you're going through emotionally is you, no one understand you better than you do. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to people because opening up to others allows you to build your own army. Fight the negativity with positivity, close your ears and mind to the bullies, even if that is with the help of others.
One last thing I have to say is that bullies come in all shapes, sizes and ages. There's no 'look' for a bully. You can be 50 years old and still be a bully, it isn't just a playground thing. Never be ashamed to admit you've been emotionally hurt because emotions are nothing to be afraid of. The world is opening its ears and eyes to all types of issues, there is ALWAYS someone who will listen to you!
Feel free to comment or get in touch on any of the issues!!
All love xoxo
P.S. Sorry if there was a lot of waffle.. I wanted to get out my thoughts and so I didn't edit!
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