The Two Way Street

After struggling to think of what to write about today, I decided to make this blog about relationships. I mean that in the broad sense of the word, not the typical boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships. I'm talking friendships, mothers/daughters, father/son, those types of relationships.

I've always been a firm believer in the fact that what you get out of a relationship is determined by what you put into it. No two relationships are the same and they take a lot of work, even though we don't necessarily think they do. Relationships are often one of those topics people don't talk about or are too afraid to talk about and whilst it's probably not the greatest idea to constantly discuss your relationships, its definitely healthy to take a step back every once in a while and re evaluate where your relationships are in life.

Across social media, there are always comments about how one day you're talking to someone and the next day you're not. It's true that relationships do drift over time, people go their separate ways and in many cases that is inevitable. Take me for example, after I left college to come to university, there were people I never spoke to again, purely because they were friends from college who went off to their university and in the midst of moving on with our lives, we lost contact. I don't see any issue with that situation, we all know we won't be friends with everyone forever! However, what I really don't agree with is pushing people away, ignoring their attempts to build a relationship or not putting into the relationship what you would expect the other to do.

There have been many times where I have noticed people slowly talking to me less and less. Often, my issue is that I don't reply to peoples messages because I forgot or because I'm too busy to reply in that instant. I sometimes hate myself for doing that because quite a few times its led to missed opportunities but, in those situations I always make sure I try and rearrange, tell the person I'm sorry... to me, those small words show your interest in keeping the relationship alive. But, I only do those things when I sincerely mean it. If I know I'm going to be busy I will say I'm sorry but I'm busy, because it isn't that hard to do that.

Making an effort with friends isn't, or shouldn't, be that hard. Yeah sure, everyone is busy, people have lives and their own problems to deal with, but when people stop making that effort, when they stop caring for no reason, that is something I really dislike. In my honest opinion, its a bad trait to have. It's awful to put someone through because the other person is quite obviously aware of your lack of regard.

I recently experienced a situation where a friend of mine built a relationship with someone else and ever since that, they haven't spoke to me the same again. I won't go into too many details but the relationship has become somewhat undesirable and after my consistent efforts at the relationship, I've reached the stage where I don't care anymore. I know its a horrible thing to say but I don't care. How many times can I be the one to make the effort? How many times can I have it thrown back in my face?

See, in my bubble of relationships, I have so many polar opposites. I have the friends I will talk to for a couple of days and then maybe a month later, with it feeling like I have spoke to them everyday. Then there are the ones who take the time out of their day almost every day to speak to me, to laugh with me. Each relationship is just as important to me. I don't care if you make me laugh everyday or every month, to me it's everything to know I have people to turn to when I need that laugh. I know that the friends I have are the ones I can count on.

Another big part of my life has always been my family. I'm lucky enough to have wonderful parents and siblings who have always stood by me and supported me in all that I do. Of course every family has their ups and downs and my family aren't exceptions to that, but they are still there. Through thick and thin, my mum is always one of the first people I will turn to. I have been raised to show appreciation for all that I have and to value the people in my life, seeking the good in everyone I meet. This had made me a person that doesn't like to give up on building relationships and in some cases, this has done more harm to me than good. But I have learnt from those mistake, I understand that not everyone places the same value on relationships as I do in some situations, that is ok but in others, it is hurtful. The worst of those is seeing someone become complacent, when people stop making the effort that once came naturally to them, that is what hurts the most, because that is when the effort becomes a chore. Having simple conversations becomes harder for them to hold, either because they have forgotten who you really are or because, like I mentioned earlier, they just don't care.

Relationships will always be a two way street, it can't be all take and no give, and if you ever find yourself in a situation where you are doing all the giving, it becomes times to re evaluate. I am a true believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I learnt this the hard way when it comes to relationships because I built a relationship with someone that meant I stopped building relationships with others and now, when I look back at those times, I realise how much I missed out and how much it affected me. But when that relationship ended, whilst it did hurt, it opened up so many more relationships and opportunities for me and today, they are the relationships I continue to value and remain thankful for, every single day.

Always remember, in life, we don't always get a second chance. Knowing that someone is thinking of you means a lot, because in life, it is the smallest things that count. So, go ahead and message that friend you haven't spoke to for a few months, let your family know you're thinking of them, smile at a stranger and talk to your neighbours, because strengthening existing relationships and building new ones is one of the most important things is life.

All love xoxo