It has possibly been the most
stressful week so far this semester… possibly even this year! I feel more
stressed out than I was during exam period because well… law school is
horrendous when you have about 200 pages of compulsory reading to get through.
Swimming in my readings for the past week have meant I was unable to post on my
blog! I also went to a friend’s birthday party last Friday (12-02-2016) which
meant my night was taken up by horrendous pop songs and Punjabi MC playing in
the most loved student club in the city.
I had a sort of writers block moment
when I tried to decide what I was going to write about so I took to social
media and conjured up an idea for today’s post. My topic of choice is eating
disorders (again it’s not the most delightful of topics) but I’m hoping that I
can raise a little bit of awareness here and enlighten people on the real
truths behind eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
I’m sure that most people are aware of
the common features of eating disorders. Anorexia is commonly associated with
people who don’t eat whilst bulimia is associated with those who eat to throw
up. I reluctantly label these issues as ‘eating disorders’ because in my
opinion, it is less an issue of eating and more an issue of mental processes
and thinking. Having known people that have experienced eating disorders, I
began to understand the home truths behind them. Furthermore, I reluctantly
divulge my own issues here; I have, myself, fought through anorexia myself.
It is only recently that I have spoken
about my own issues, purely because I hate addressing it. When I look back, I
realise how much of a dark place I was in. Whilst I was never medically diagnosed
with anorexia, I know now, my relationship with food was not healthy. I
explicitly remember one day when all I ate was a bag of candyfloss and a few
spoon-fulls of stir fry. I remember when my friends told me I should bring
lunch to school and my form tutor writing a letter home telling my mum he was
worried because my friends told him I don’t eat. For me, it felt good to be
hungry, the pain was worth the flat stomach and the skinny legs. I used to
count my calories and limit my intake. I realise now how much it affected my
life, I was physically and mentally unstable. I hated myself if I ate more than
one bag of crisps a week and I would constantly look for ways to hide the fact
that I didn’t eat. Luckily for me, I realised I was damaging my health and
started not to care so much about it. However, like I said, these ‘eating
disorders’ as we so classify them, are a mentally exhausting battle. I wasn’t
worried about what was healthy, I was worried about how much I was eating. I
was worried about how I looked, everyday I would look in the mirror and think
my stomach was sticking out too much. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I
love my body now, but I am comfortable. I no longer feel the need to point out
how skinny my legs look, I don’t seek reassurance about my weight anymore, I
have coping mechanisms. I eat more, I eat healthy.
When I first started university, all
of my flatmates would point out how all I eat is soup and toast and my parents
would keep telling me I’m losing weight. This was the point at which I started
to address my issues. I began to feel ashamed of what I looked like, ashamed of
how people would tell me I look like I’m going to snap. It almost went from one
extreme to another and (again, I am reluctant in divulging this information)
having a controlling boyfriend who actively forced me to eat, made me feel
worse. During college, whenever I went to his house, he would make me eat food,
even if I didn’t want to. I had just started getting a hold on my issues (which
he was not aware of) and then I slipped back into them because I started to
resent the fact that he would make me eat. I started out appreciating the care
he showed but when all I could think about was putting on weight, I hated it. I
hated eating, I would make excuses but he would never accept them, that’s when
I started lying about how much I had eaten. It sparked my unhealthy
relationship with food again because I convinced myself I had eaten and that I
wasn’t hungry.
This is why eating disorders are so
much more than eating disorders. Often, I see people saying ‘oh for goodness
sake I don’t understand why they don’t just eat!’ when they talk of people
being anorexic. Most of society fails to acknowledge the fact that anorexia is
a mental battle. On the NHS choices page, the first line in explaining anorexia
is that it is a ‘serious mental health condition’ and I honestly wish more
people would come to appreciate that. It’s highly unlikely that anyone would
count their calories and restrict their intake unless there is some underlying
issue or purpose.
People with eating disorders are not
attention seekers. People with eating disorders are not stupid. People with
eating disorders don’t need food shoved in their faces. People with eating
disorders need support, they need care, they need people to listen to them, to
tell them that they are beautiful, to show them what is healthy. I strongly
believe that a lot of the media fuels eating disorders too, because we are
trying to achieve what we see, and we don’t realise that more often than not,
it is impossible to achieve the photoshopped image we see.
There are so many people in the world
that suffer from an eating disorder, and they suffer in silence. We often hear
of cases where girls are taken into hospital because of anorexia but how often
do you hear of boys being admitted with an eating disorder? It does happen, and
we need to stop stigmatising anyone, especially boys, with eating disorders. I
hate how society labels the same thing in a different gender. Why can’t boys
have eating disorders? At the end of the day, it’s a faulty cognitive process,
it doesn’t make someone weak or less manly or a girl if they have an eating
disorder. So what if society says boys should have muscles and able to eat
tonnes of food? You don’t need to be ashamed by the fact that you find it
difficult to conform. Don’t be ashamed to admit you have an unhealthy
relationship with food, don’t be ashamed to take the help being offered to you.
Whilst I was in school, a girl was
teased for being overweight. She soon left school and when she returned, she
returned anorexic. She was hit in the worst way with an eating disorder and
what caused it? It was the society we live in. She was told being overweight
was wrong and she was accepted into social groups again when she came back
skinny. Following that, she was shunned for being too skinny. How can we let
this continue in society? I appreciate the sensitivity of eating disorders as a
topic to talk about but that doesn’t mean we should ignore it. We need to treat
eating disorders with the same caution we treat other mental health issues such
as depression. Whilst I don’t agree with immediate medication, I believe in
therapy, counselling, talking, getting to the root of the issue, finding out
why people are the way they are. What thought process do they follow? When you
think about food what crosses your mind?
I understand that there will be no
overnight miracle. We won’t wake up tomorrow to a world full of perfect people,
where there are no eating disorders and where everyone is informed on what an
eating disorder is, but we can definitely make a change. We can change the
labels society puts on everything. Stop stigmatising people and making them
feel like a social outcast because they don’t have a good relationship with
food. We need to start looking beyond the physical symptoms of eating disorders
to the emotional issues associated with it. Sometimes, people don’t even
realise they have an eating disorder, they don’t wake up one day and think ‘oh
I will be anorexic from today’ it’s often a long term, developing issue. It
might start with a diet, then turn to a severe diet or bouts of severe dieting.
There are so many signs to look out for.
To anyone with an eating disorder, I
want you to actively seek out whatever help you need to overcome it. No matter
what size or shape you are, you are, and always will be, beautiful. Just
remember that a healthy you is a better you!
To anyone living with someone with an
eating disorder, I want you to support that person. Be with them every step of
the way, through the disorder and their recovery and even after that. Relapse
is a possibility. Don’t give up on them, it might be hard but it WILL be worth
it!
To anyone that has overcome an eating
disorder WELL DONE! I am glad you found the support you needed and I hope that
now, you are happy with where you are. I hope that you continue to be happy and
keep getting whatever help you need.
Never be afraid to ask for help, EVER!
No matter what you are going through, there will always be someone to help you.
If you’re in the UK and want to talk
to someone about eating disorders, you can find contact details for Beat online
at https://www.b-eat.co.uk/support-services/helpline
If you’re
in the US and want to talk to someone about eating disorders, you can find
contact details for Canopy Cove at http://www.canopycove.com/eating-disorder-treatment-center.php?keyword=getting%20%2Bhelp%20for%20%2Beating%20%2Bdisorders&gclid=CMKy3aDvgcsCFYIW0wodUMAITw
Alternatively,
if anyone ever wants to talk to me, feel free to comment or email me. I am
always here. Keep smiling.
All love
xoxo
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